Worst Album Covers. Ever.

I spend entirely too much time shopping for vinyl LPs. Yard sales, flea markets, record stores, whatever. Just looking at album covers, mostly; yeah, I buy a few- but it’s all about the covers. As much as I’d love to be able to say I’m an art lover, I’m really not. Bad art, now that’s something I love. Forget all that “post-modernist constructivist impressionism” shit; I think the true measure of civilization’s greatness is the amount of tragic, god-awful art shit out there. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good Duchamp painting or a Kurosawa movie, but there’s something way more interesting (and intellectually stimulating) in all the ludicrous and downright shitty art on this Earth. Fart jokes rule.

So here’s a little tribute to some of the music world’s “art” offerings; the worst of the worst (with really awful commentary from yours truly…)

Udo Lindenberg – Galaxo Gang (1976)udo

The Blue Man Group were kids once, you know…

Poison – Look What the Cat Dragged In (1986)poison

I would totally bang all these chicks.

Heino – Liebe Mutter…liebe

What the fuck is wrong with German people?

Svenne & Lotta – Tio Gyllene Ar Med (2002)svenne-lotta

I was wondering when American Apparel was going to go after the “retard” demographic…

Pooh Man – Funky As I Wanna Be (1992)pooh-man

Just in case you were wondering what Shaq looked like while eating your pussy.

Richard & Willie – Funky Honkey, Nasty Nigger (1975)rich-will

Actually, this is the best album cover ever.

Joyce Drake – Joyce (1983)joyce

No caption needed. Really.

ET – Best Friends (1986)et-best-friends-album-cover

I wish my best friend was this cool.

Crying Demonscrying-demons-album-cover

I didn’t think this was that funny until I saw the dude’s left eye. It’s like a black hole. You can’t look away no matter how hard you try. Seriously. I dare you.

Jose Angel – Madre Soy Cristiano Homosexualjose-angel

“Mother I am a Christian Homosexual”

John Bult – Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday (1985)julies

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Millie Jackson – Back To The S__t! (1990)millie

I like that someone had the presence of mind to put flowers in there.

Paddy Roberts – Songs For Gay Dogs (1966)gay-dogsHey, I don’t judge…

Jeff – Something Special From Jeffyo-broThe “something special” is him disemboweling you with his awesome hook-hand.

Gato Barbieri – El Gato (1975)i-can-hazI can haz transform?

Lords Of Acid – Pussy (1998)vaginacatI can haz vajyna?

Paolo Spagnolo – Debussy’s Children Corner Suite (1955)debussyThis is so racist…

Jim Post – I Love My Life (1978)jimpost…and this is so gay.

Slim Goodbody – The Inside Story (1980)slimThis asshole is responsible for so many bad dreams when I was a child. Years later I was able to watch Hellraiser and laugh at it.

The Barry Lee Trio – On SafarisafariOn safari? Where at, the Holiday Inn in Galveston, Texas?

Wilde, Oates & WaltertwinsSo is this the sequel to Twins?

Stanley The Manly TransvestitestanleyLipstick and heels does not make you a transvestite, Stanley.

Little Lowell – Praise The LordlittleThis guitar is huge. Wait, no. Something’s wrong…


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